For same-sex couples, it’s always a secret Valentine

NEW DELHI: As you walk down the inner circle of Connaught Place, you notice Valentine’s Day billboards outside the restaurants and cafes. Everyone is gearing up to celebrate, no matter what outfits like Bajrang Dal feel about the day. So, Mallika has a brand new shirt as a gift for her boyfriend and Mani bought a ring for Sakshi. Sahil and Aftab, though, can’t decide how to celebrate February 14.Should they go for a candle-light dinner? Wait, a dinner may not be possible because the couples-only restaurants bar same-sex lovers. For that is what the two are — a gay inter-faith couple.
Here we are in 2018 and Valentine’s Day is a cold reminder that same-sex romance is still taboo in India, more so an inter-faith relationship. “Love jihad and Romeo squads and all these happen on Valentine’s Day in the name of protecting our ‘culture’. It might sound crazy, but, yes, we too are a part of society,” asserts Sahil. He says that he was born and brought up in a conservative Hindu family in a Haryana village, while his boyfriend is a Muslim from Uttar Pradesh.
“I used to be a religious person once but am an atheist now,” continues Sahil. He grew up with most of his neighbours and classmates in school and college being Hindus, so was well aware of the demonising of Muslims in society. He says, therefore, that though pretty much secular, he developed a negative attitude toward Islam. “I got a broader outlook in university, and in my final year I befriended someone even though he was from a religion that I had always disliked,” discloses Sahil. “This had no effect on our bonding because the demonising effect was gone.”

Sahil took his boyfriend home but introduced him as a university friend because he isn’t out to his parents. “My sister and most of my cousins and friends know about my sexuality, so I told them that Aftab was my boyfriend. Everyone accepted him. I believe it isn’t an issue for them that my boyfriend is Muslim,” Sahil adds.
Aftab himself has accepted Sahil as a part of his life, "After finding Sahil, I feel like I have found a meaning to my life. I was living but not alive till now," he claims. Aftab, who is currently abroad, however, feels threatened at times. "Yes I am scared sometimes, but really don’t care whether the society accepts us or not,” he declares. “The country I am living in at present is peaceful so the hooliganism in the name of religion back home can't affect us. But I am afraid of losing Sahil when I read about the lynchings and moral policing."
Sahil too has his apprehensions. “I was worried by the love jihad narrative in Rajsamand a few months ago. Moreover, we are homosexuals, which our society condemns as unnatural behaviour; funnily, our laws too call it unnatural,” he says referring to Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that criminalises homosexual sex.
The two aren’t alone in their fears. Anuran Dasgupta, a researcher in Jawaharlal Nehru University, narrates how he and his partner were thrown out from a ‘couples-only’ dance floor in Hauz Khas village after a Valentine’s Day dinner. “We got drunk and started hugging each other. Then we went into the couples-only area of the dance floor,” he recalls. “And that’s when we were thrown out. That was humiliating, but society is harsher towards those who bear signs of stereotypical feminineness in them. Trans people in general face bigger discrimination than hetero-looking gay men.”
Another couple, requesting anonymity, said, “We usually venture to just the gay-friendly cafes and pubs. This way we ensure privacy from prying eyes and get to spend Valentine’s Day with like-minded couples,” said one of them. “We are able to celebrate because in the past few years, they organise same-sex gatherings on February 14.”
Come Wednesday, and same-sex couples will go into the public sphere posing as ‘good friends’, maintaining their anonymity to avoid any backlash. “No culture can oppose love,” says Sahil. “Valentine’s Day is a day of love, so I believe we must spread love on the day, not just in the bedrooms but in society.”